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BeccaRose
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Name: Rebecca Rose
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Birthday: 1/22/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ- He's awesome! Dancing, cheerleading, getting dressed up, laughing, disney movies and singing disney songs at the top of my lungs, taking pictures and scrapbooking, softball, guitar, hanging out with the wonderful girls of 3rd Front, knitting, late nights at waffle house and krispy kreme, and of course... pulling off fun pranks :)
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  Becca185
Member Since:
11/12/2003
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| I think I am leaving the xanga world forever...
Xanga, you have been a good friend to me. :) Goodbye. | | |
| When I was in high school I had this shirt that said "Boys are Scum." Some of my friends made it for me. It was a fun shirt. Normally, I would wear it just for fun. However, I remember the first time I wore it because I "needed" to. There was a boy at my school that was just being a jerk. I felt that if I wore my "Boys are Scum" shirt everyone would know that he was scum and that I was wronged. Somehow it gave me this confidence, and I felt like I was above the-petty high-school-relationship-stupidity. I know that is weird, it's a shirt. Well, tonight I get home from work and start to put on comfy clothes. More than anything I wanted to curl up in a ball, forget about life, and sleep until the next day. (It was only 5:45.) I reached for my t-shirt that has the word "courage" on it. Just for a short moment I felt that I wasn't scared. I wasn't afraid of the future, and that I could conquer tough things in life, or that I didn't have to be scared about taking the wrong path in life, and that I could trust God to help me make a good decision. It was a good feeling, one I haven't felt in a while. I only wished that it would had lasted a lot longer...
I guess it's just interesting what wearing a shirt can do to your mindset.
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| Right now, my life is so different than I ever planned it would be... how did it happen???
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| If God is not a god of confusion, and I believe that He isn't, then why do I feel so lost and unsure in my life? Jesus promises in Matthew that if we seek, then we will find. I have been seeking wisdom for months, and I still feel so confused. Probably more confused than ever. I feel that God has called me to a place of surrender, but why do I not feel any peace? Am I surrendering the wrong thing? I'm surrendering my heart. I'm surrendering my desires and my dreams for my future. I don't want what is good, I want what is best. I know that is cliche, but I want it with all my heart. I want to make the right decision. But why, with all this surrendering, do I still feel like it is wrong? Part of me wonders if the surrender is supposed to be my logic and realistic viewpoint of life. God is a big God; I know that with Him all things are possible. However, I have a hard time trusting this truth, while still being realistic about life. I don't want to be dumb about the possibilities and hardships of the future. I don't want to make a decision based on how I feel. I believe that God gave us logic and reasoning to think through problems and make good choices. If He didn't want us to use our logic and reasoning skills, why did He give them to us, and then why shouldn't we base all our decisions on our feelings and desires? I can't seem to balance the two. Naturally, I lean toward reason and logic. (Odd for a girl, huh?) What hurts, is that I might have thrown God's "best" for my life away. All because I feel like I have to use my reason and logic. I thought that God is calling me to surrender my feelings, desires, and hopes for the future. But could He be calling me to surrender my logic and reasoning? Or is this logic and reasoning supposed to be what helps me make my decision? None of this makes sense. I'm so confused and unsure of myself.
My heart is willing to sacrifice, and I believe God wants me to. I want God's best for my life no matter the cost... but what is the cost and surrender supposed to be?
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| It has been a long time since I wrote on here. "The prodigal daughter has returned..." says my sister. It might be a long time till I write again. Who knows.
Monday I was able to hang out with the cutest 2 month old I have ever seen. I might be biased, but Judah is so cute. While the rest of the family were being entertained at the movies, I was bonding with my little nephew. It was so nice to be able to cuddle with Judah, sing Christmas songs with Judah, and tickle his little belly. I started thinking this week, it is so funny how you change when you are around a baby. Suddenly you begin talking all high pitched, saying ridiculous things that have no meaning... I used to laugh at people who say dumb things to babies, even become slightly annoyed with people for being so ridiculous. No one would ever talk to an adult like this. But it is ok to talk like this to babies. Oh whatever... Ironically, I found myself this week becoming one of those annoying people, saying ridiculous things to Judah. One of the most ridiculous things I have EVER said in my life, happened this week. Here is what I said. "You have lots of poops, Judah." Yes, that came out of my mouth, in the high pitched "baby-talk" voice. Oh, I am ashamed. Does the baby not know if pooped? Does he need us to tell him that he has poop all over his bottom? No, he knows. Perhaps it is embarrassing him... :) Anyway, just a thought that I have had this week.
Christmas Break is not at all like I had anticipated it would be a while back. Life has changed, drastically. I was talking to my brother in law this week, and he said one of the most simplest, yet profound things I've heard in a while. Basically he said, God is not going to waste his time letting you go through a tough time if He is not wanting to use you in a big way later on. That is refreshing to hear. It is hard to be home. There is so many things that I was anticipating and looking forward to this holiday season. So many things that didn't get to happen. That's what is hard for me. Letting go to my desires and my dreams for what I wanted for this holiday season, and even more, what I wanted for my future. It is a lonely, isolating feeling. Thankfully I am surrounded by a family who cares for me and desires to make me feel loved too. Tomorrow I am so excited for and anticipating the first celebration of the annual holiday, Rebecca Day. Tomorrow, December 26th, is known to many as Boxing Day. However, few know that it is also Rebecca Day. (Or so I am told by my sisters) Tomorrow, We will be celebrating, me! :) haha. I feel a little self-centered in saying that, but, it is what is happening. And I feel so special and loved. I have family who cares about me, actively loves me, and desires what is best for me. It can't get better than that. Tomorrow's celebration festivities are a surprise (except for dinner at O'Charleys...!) and I cannot wait. It will be a good time.
So this Christmas break, although it is not what I expected, is good. God knows what I need. Love. He provides a refreshing love that I didn't think was possible to know this Christmas season. Praise the Lord.
Merry Christmas. May you know and experience the Lord's love this Christmas more than ever.
Judah likes to play with Aunt Becs. :) Isn't he the cutest boy ever?!
The Paschal Cousins (minus 3)
Putting the wee one to sleep... he is exhausted after we play!
The famous Christmas pajamas
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